i seem to keep finding myself in positions of great inspiration and limited paper.

it's 7 degrees in colorado right now. i actually might freeze when i move.
to say i am excited might be an overstatement. but then again, to say i'm afraid would be untrue as well. i'm hopeful.

the last 3 years have been wilderness years for me. my own exile from--what? preconcieved ideas? naively made plans? stubbornly held expectations? i did the work set before me---collegiate and cosmically spiritual alike, and i found myself in a comfortable, slow-motion routine of emotional and spiritual bulimia: starving for some peace, some promise and binging on the bites sent my way. but somewhere along the way, i realized that i was only kidding myself thinking that this life, this Love, this journey to the future was a sprint.

i know it's cliche to say so, but i've changed. and it's been hard work, changing has. it's hard work to let go of love, to face your wrong choices, and set free every last thing you thought you knew for sure. but i jumped in, i always do. and He met me like He always does--with equal parts question and answer. with an overwhelming message: 'wait and see. understand to be understood. let me pave the way for you. but be sure follow where I lead.' i didn't think i was to take the last part literally. and yet, in a week and half i go.
how will he find me?

1. Do you like blue cheese?
yes, but nothing can compete with feta.

2. Last kiss and where?
mom before she went to work...(cop-out!)

3. Do you like anyone?
i like lots of people. but if we're talking middle school, then, no.

4. Are you single or taken?
so amazingly single.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
i do get a few butterflies zooming around in my tummy.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
i think i always think i like them better than i really do.

7. Favorite TV show?
hello office! and chuck.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
orange juice.

9. Can you do push ups?
oh man, nope.

10. Have you ever done drugs?
only a 20-ounce mocha a day.

11. Favorite hobby?
lately i can't stop crocheting.

12. Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
oh snap. the Lord.

13. Do you have A.D.D?
maybe inattentive type.

14. What is the best part about the weekend?
oh snap. probably the hours i'll spend chilling at courtyard. it will be nothing compared to last weekend's storm of the century, that is for certain.

15. Middle Name?
beth, i guess.

16. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment...
1- pam beesley is my hero.
2- i'm probably going to freeze when i move to colorado.
2- when will my new urban outfitters peacock earrings get here, for crying out loud!

17. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
a mocha.

18. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink
1- water
2- mochas
3- juice of any awesome variety.

19. Current wonder right now?
do people still name their daughters peg? is peg short for something? peggaly? pegret?

20. Current hate right now?
1,000 piece puzzles living on my living room floor.

21. Favorite place to be?
the island. the mountains. salzburg.

22. How did you bring in the New Year?
bible study, board games, family jumping time downtown. so completely my least favorite holiday ever.

23.Where would you like to go?
the scottish highlands. petra. the future.

24. Name three people who will complete this?
nope, uh-uh, and negatory.

25. Do you own slippers?
mucklucks!

26. What shirt are you wearing?
yellow quarter-length sleeve.

28. Can you whistle?
so well.

29. Color crayon you would be?
forest green, hopefully. or maybe yellow of some un-horrendous shade.

30. Would you be a pirate?
nah, that's my sister's gig. but i did have to wear an eyepatch in third grade.

31. What songs do you sing in the shower?
oh, i sing a lot of show tunes in the shower. lately it's been all about wicked.

32. Favorite girl's name?
right now i like olena. like grandma. margaret may. so i could sing to her.

33. Favorite boy's name?
william. graham. oliver.

34. Whats in your pocket right now?
nada nada limonada.

35. Last thing that made you laugh?
rainn wilson--aka dwight schrute--'zip your lid!'

36. Have you shaved today?
25 minute shower, here we go!

37. Worst injury you've ever had?
i guess the broken front teeth. and that one time brian dalton sprained my knee.

38. Do you love where you live?
i do love where i live. and i love where i will live soon. win-win.

39. How many tvs do you have in your house?
two..but only one that's for me to use.

40. Who is your loudest friend?
sarah lavelle. or holly beth on a roller coaster.

41. How many dogs do you have?
none yet. but watch out, because 2008 will be the year of fitzwilliam willoughby the miniature dachshund.

42. Does someone have a crush on you?
hardly.

43. What is your favorite movie?
geeze. desert island 5 right now are: pride and prejudice, say anything, cold mountain, bill and ted's excellent adventure and even though i haven't seen it, across the universe...because i know i'll love it.

44. What brand of shoes are you wearing?
uggs. aka the flip flops of winter.

45. Who's the last person to text you?
my daddy!

46. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral?
uh, morbid much? or a hymn, like 'blessed assurance' or 'amazing grace.' those are my two faves.

47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
watching chuck online. 'working on my five year plan...just need to pick a font.' awkward perfection.

48. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
what? why? no!

49. What is your current job?
oh hello, casino tour guide!

50. When is your birthday?
june 1... same as marilyn monroe and alanis morrissette.

obligingly yours, 2008.

i like to make new years resolutions that are underwhelming and metaphorically glamorous.
for 2008:
1.) watch 'gone with the wind' in its entirety, in one sitting.
--i've never seen all of this movie. i always start it, because it seems to always be on tv on new year's day, but i always get so frustrated with that little jezebel-in-a-hoop-skirt scarlett o'hara that i just have to turn off the movie. rhett's no walk in the park, either.
2.) get a dog.
--this is a resolution left over from 2007 which i fully intended to accomplish in the last 2 months, but living circumstances beyond my control have forced me to push this one back. it will be done, though. rest assured that there is a dachshund in the near future.
3.) become proficient enough on violin to accompany 3-chord songs.
--easy enough. i'm always meaning to pick up the violin...it is, after all, the only instrument i ever truly wanted to learn to play. it's the instrument of my heartsong, i've decided.

and that's that.
of course, there are plenty of more serious goals and dreams. the little yearlings of hope that gallop their way into 2008. but, quite frankly, those are between me and Himself. but, i've been informed, 2008 is a year of some thing. and i await with fervor the end of my pauline exile. 3 years for him, 3 for me.

yesterday was one of those clandestined days that only happen in a place like this, with people like this. more than once i was fooled into thinking it was summertime. the air was rebellious, and the sunset was fiercely divine. it's hard to believe i'll be leaving the ocean. but i've a sneaking suspicion that the mountains hold something for me.

the last few years have been years of sustained waiting and hard-earned peace.
this year is a year of expectant hope.

you've come a long way, baby.